I’ve had this nagging urge for a couple months, and I keep pushing it back down, pushing it back down, pushing it back down… But today, I think, it’s bubbling up to the surface. Today, I am going to write about… money! (dun dun dun!)
I know this is an uncomfortable subject to address, but as with most uncomfortable subjects, they are probably the ones most needed in today’s discourse. So let me begin.
Once upon a time we were poor. I mean POOR! DIRT POOR PEOPLE!!! How poor? Let’s review.
So poor that we once lived for free, in a bedroom of a stranger’s house. (Granted, my husband was playing baseball at the time and this was a normal situation for the players.)
So poor that my husband made approx $500/month while playing baseball.
So poor that we lived in many cheap housing situations including my parent’s basement.
So poor that I bought (*had to buy) my children Christmas presents from a consignments store with the account credits I had acquired from my own donations.
So poor that I would walk (because I didn't have a car to use), across a busy intersection, to the mall, for my kids to play in the indoor play area.
So poor that I became a deal finding ninja that would make lemonade out of lemons, and feel not so poor despite the truth of our bank account.
There were many contributing factors to us being so poor:
We were swimming in student loan debt.
We got married and had a baby right away, and were fairly young.
My husband was playing minor league baseball (see above for salary).
I was teaching part time, but ultimately decided to quit so that I could stay home and raise my babies.
*Side note: Why would anyone who is so poor, make such a decision?!? Honestly, it is what I felt God was calling me to do, and I knew he would take care of our needs!
At the same time I quit teaching, my husband and I decided to try our luck at starting a business. It was not successful and put us further in debt.
And yet, despite being so monetarily poor, I felt so rich! God always, always, always provided for our needs and more! Looking back it’s easy to ask, how on earth did we survive? And there is absolutely no logical explanation as to how we were able to pay our bills. But we were! And we did! Just when we would think we weren’t going to make it, I would get a design job on the side, or we would get an unexpected check in the mail (no joke). And on top of our finances we were beyond blessed with our family. We had a wonderful, gorgeous growing kin. I still feel this way to this day- I could be walking around a store in sweats (unable to buy a thing) and looking a mess with my gaggle of adorable children, and feel like people were looking at my abundant blessings and not at our lack. Our extended family were constant blessings as well. There is a real, tangible gift that comes from tight-knit families. They take care of one another. They support your dreams and aspirations, and they certainly do not let you end up cold, hungry and homeless. Without questions, both my husband’s and my own family have played a major role in our financial story.
Now comes the part of the conversation that is a little harder to talk about. Giving.
During the early years of our marriage, were many, MANY conversations about giving, our tithe, what we were able to give, and many many reasoning's as to what we were not able to give. We did our best. We gave where/what we felt we could. And we justified it as it made sense to us. But what I know now, I wish I knew then; we gave out of our lack. The graph below, Giving out of Lack (that I recreated from a sermon of Craig Groeschel) is a perfect representation about how we gave for many years of our marriage. God always provided. He was always good to us. But we saw our lack and gave accordingly. This sermon, of Pastor Craig Groeschel is a must listen in regards to giving.
God continued to provide, so much so that our income nearly doubled every year. (if you are wondering how this is possible, go back and refer to the salary of a minor league baseball player). And yet, we still always felt trapped by our finances. With a big family, a heart that desires to DO MORE, do more good, do more for our family, do more for others; it has always felt like lack, no matter how much money we brought in.
We were able to buy our first house (5 years into our marriage) and get to a place of some perceived wealth by America’s standard. Yet, still felt lack. It was at this time that we decided to take a close, hard look at our finances and how we spend our money. There were few items (very few) that seemed frivolous and could be cut from our budget. But one area where we felt determined to make a change, was in fact an increase in our spending --- our tithe (giving). I, specifically, felt that God was calling us to DILIGENTLY, OBEDIENTLY give our FIRST TENTH. I had brought up this strong desire on my heart, multiple times to my husband. Realize, we have both always been a strong proponent of tithing. We had always wished that we could give our tenth. And then I came to a point where I was certain, WE MUST GIVE OUR FIRST TENTH! In my heart, it had to be the first, not the last, not the left over, and not the extra. It has to be a tenth, not a fifth, not an eight or a twelfth either. Maybe some of you are thinking this sounds legalistic. But my faith had brought me to this revelation. I knew it was God telling me to obey his word!
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” (Malachi 3:10).
This has become one of my favorite verses in regards to giving. Not because of the blessings, but because God tells us to test him! He knows how hard it is for us to fully trust him. Above ourselves. Trust that he has our best interests in mind (he actually knows our best interests, whereas we have a distorted perspective as to what is best for us). I have heard this verse so many times where the person delivering the verse tries to deny that God is asking us to test him. He is actually asking us to test him, people! It is not a metaphor. He is saying, if you will actually obey my word, 100%, you can test me and see what I can do for you. Of course, like any good test, there should be terms. “God, if I obey your word, trust you with my whole tithe, my FIRST FRUITS, will you show me your faithfulness with increase in xyz?" You can get specific with God in your requests. You can test him! This is all a part of your personal relationship with the father!
To illustrate my point, let me describe my own father for a moment. Throughout my life, if there was ever anything we (his children) really wanted (or perhaps needed) my dad’s line was, “let’s make a deal.” Need a new computer for college? Let’s make a deal! Need some money for Spring break with your friends? Let’s make a deal!
Sometimes his deals had silly strings attached, like, you can get what you want but first you have to beat me at a game of chess. And sometimes his deals had more realistic terms that fit the specific need. My parents let me turn their detached garage into an apartment for myself but it included many “deals” with my dad. One such deal was that he got to pick out the kitchen sink (a big, deep, industrial sink) so that one day, when the garage would be used as a garage, he would have an industrial sink.
My relationship with my Heavenly Father, Abba, is not much different than that of my earthly Dad. So while I am excited to test God, you may be more reserved in this concept. But forge on my friend! Trust Him with everything you’ve got! He wants a deep, silly, fun, loving, abundant, overflowing relationship with you!
So back to my desire to give our first tenth, faithfully, obediently and diligently. My husband is a very analytical thinker and was resistant, assuring me that if we decided to give more, we would have to sell our house! He is a budget master. He works HARD to provide for this big family of ours and he does an amazing job. He has control over our budget and masterfully makes sure we are moving in the right direction financially. But his analytical nature in regard to our finances possibly gets in the way of his faith for our finances. I on the other hand, I live mostly by faith! I chuckle at this because, well, I don’t go to work to bring home a paycheck, and I do most of the spending of our money. So maybe my faith comes easier as a fluke. Alas, for several months, most of our nightly conversations were about tithing. Me, adamant that we needed to step out in faith and give our first tenth, adamant that God wants us to test Him. One of my husbands go to lines was, “We aren’t in a position where money is just going to be handed to us or show up in our mailbox.” I chuckle at this, because that is exactly what happened.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55: 8-9)
One of my favorite faith verses right here. I am quite sure of this. There is a human way to do things and justify things and then there is God’s way. A purely supernatural way, that defies our understanding of all things, and gives us glimpses of His goodness and His Kingdom.
Before I go on to explain how everything in our finances has changed by being obedient to our first tenth, let me explain in a little more detail the way were were giving before we made the change. We were in many instances giving MORE than 10% before we changed to giving our first tenth. We were giving based on what we felt we could give during any particular month. My husband works on commission so if he had a particularly good month we would give far above our 10% and often use that to justify our smaller tithe from the month before. This was clearly reflected on our taxes at the end of the previous year. When all said and done we were closing in on 12% giving. We have always been generous in serving our time and resources as well, and have in the past used this as a way to justify our tithe. “I did xyz design services for free, so that in a way is a tithe”. I know now how flawed my thinking on this was! That does not replace a tithe! I should be a giver above and beyond my tithe and desire to use my talents and abilities to serve the church, but that in itself is not a tithe. (*And forgive me, I must add a note about offering services to your church for free. This is YOUR choice and yours alone. Do not feel pressure to give your service for free if it is not what God is calling you to do.)
What I am pointing out is that, although I am adamant on the 10% tithe, is that God doesn’t actually care about the amount. He cares about our obedience to his Word. He cares that we trust him FIRST, with our first fruits. Don’t believe me, read about Cain and Abel. God cares about us developing a relationship with Him. One where we come to him in our need and do what he asks of us. Where we trust that he knows us best and has our best interest at heart. He wants us to “make a deal” with him in order to cultivate a relationship with us and to change our hearts, change our desires, change our ways of thinking.
I wrote a little word on obedience a few months ago and it applies here 100 fold.
Our culture despises the word obedience. I once heard someone say that they hate the word “obedience”. They followed that statement by saying they ‘don’t just want a “robot child” that does everything out of fear that they will get in trouble.’ And I couldn’t help but think how misguided, and wrapped in deception, their conclusion was. Obedience is a highway (a fast track) to honor. Or as Proverbs 15:33 says, “wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor.” Meaning, we cannot achieve honor without obedience. Our children can not achieve honor without humbling themselves to a greater authority.
God wants us to gain honor through our tithe. He is teaching our hearts a giant lesson about obedience through our tithe.
It has now been several months of giving our first tenth in our tithe and I am convinced that God’s word is clear, straightforward and literal about tithing. God has taught me a great deal about obedience through the last couple years of my life. I have sought His word and His Will above my own too many times to count. And you guys it was so often HARD to do. But, I want to fall on my knees and worship Him right now as I think about how faithful He has been to me and my family through my obedience to Him. And I can feel his hand, very lovingly and carefully bringing about increase in our finances. On paper it doesn’t make any sense. Technically, my husband is on course to make significantly less money than he made last year (again he is in a commission industry). And yet we are able to do so much more with our money than ever before. Just one week after giving our “First Tenth” for the first time, we received a surprise check in the mail (it was in the $$$) from the water authority at the last house that we lived in. I cunningly asked my husband, “You know where that check came from don’t you?” His response with a half grin, “Yeah, Tualatin Valley Water.” To which I responded, “No……” We both laughed and he nodded in recognition and said, “ I know, I already thought it was solely because of our tithe." I wish I had taken notes on all of the random financial blessings that have come our way in the past several months. For instance, overpaying the dentist for a lot of dental work he had done over the summer and then getting a significant check back just this week! There have been dozens more. Most of them have in fact come through my husbands work, in retaining clients he thought were goners, clients choosing to work with him despite other companies having lower rates, etc. But one story in particular really stands out and it all revolves around the breakdown of my nasty old Toyota Sienna mommy-van.
Monday morning, the week that my van broke down, Tyson called me from work and said, “Something crazy happened today. I think it’s a God thing.” He went on to tell me that an employee who holds his same position, but at another location, was quitting and the company decided to give Tyson his commissions for the remainder of the month. This was a HUGE financial blessing, completely out of the blue.
Fast forward to Thursday of the same week. We had been casually looking at new family cars to replace the van sometime around the new year. Tyson was also looking to purchase an old truck so that we can use it for all of our free mattress pick ups and other craigslist finds (hahaha). We found one, and drove through the worst traffic known to man, to look at and most likely buy this old truck. Our kids screamed the entire time we were in the car and we were so worn out that I was down to buy anything and everything just to get back home. To both of our surprise this particular truck was not what we were imagining and we ended up leaving without it! HUGE BLESSING despite the horrible evening we had just getting there to look at it. Then on the way home, when we were so close, my minivan broke down. The radiator exploded. What was a small crack burst the whole thing open and shut the engine down. Here we were on the side of the road, at an exit just 2 exits away from home, at 9:00 at night, with all 5 kids in tow. I didn’t have a care in the world that my van was done for. I just wanted to get my babies home to bed! An hour later the tow-truck came and we all made it home safely.
Thank you Jesus, that the van broke down in the very best case scenario, while Tyson was following behind me in his own car, and we made it to a wide, safe exit. God’s loving hand kept us safe. God’s gracious goodness also provided for us what we needed for a new car. We had the extra, unexpected income to utilize in replacing our family car!
I told the story of our minivan breaking down on my Instagram stories and I received a couple of similar comments saying, “I love how you are able to laugh when things don’t go as planned.” And those were honestly the biggest compliments ever! I really don’t take myself too seriously, and one of the taglines I have always loved to inscribe under my bio’s on social media is, “I don’t believe in miracles, I rely on them.” And yet, with these sweet comments the first thing that came to my mind was, “She laughs without fear of the future.” (Proverbs 31:25). While many others would like to subscribe to the “She is worth far more than rubies” aspects of the Proverbial woman, I am happy as clam to be the part of her that laughs without fear!
Oh and one last thing. You can go around and around with me, disputing my views on tithing. And I get it! I have been there. I have justified and debated and considered and wondered. This is where we have landed. I am excited to see where God takes us, how he grows our faith, what he puts on our hearts, how he will use our tithe and grow an abundantly generous spirit within us!
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