“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)
Do you know my absolute most favorite day to read every single post on my social media feeds? Father’s day.
There is no more uplifting, heartfelt, joyful, loving day on social media than father’s day. I just read through hundreds of posts paying tribute to husbands and fathers with such reverence for the things that the men in our lives have done and do every day. And it sure does inspire me.
This past year has brought forth a lot of disdain toward men in our culture and the media has done a good job at tearing down masculinity. Due to the heightened tension in regards to “toxic masculinity”, I have been very careful and tight-lipped about how to share aspects of my testimony in my marriage. I know it is and would be easy for the world to point the blame stick and list a million reasons about how men are x,y and z. But, in regard to my marriage I want to avoid this at all costs. I am careful to only speak LIFE into my marriage and to only let LIFE be spoken over it by others as well. Yet, in breaking myself and my marriage wide open for others to see, I am vulnerable to criticism and negative views. Thus, please again, hear my heart when you read my posts and be gentle with me and my family!
So, yesterday in crafting my own heartfelt father’s day post to my husband, I wanted (as always) to display genuine truth. I don’t want people to, knowing the trials the past years have brought us, think that I am in any way, “faking it”. Instead I choose to speak Life, Life into the hard places, Life when others may see death. And hopefully by doing so, I will continue to breathe life into formerly dead things.
Today, the strength of my marriage, is so far beyond where I could have ever imagined it to be just 1 year ago. God has truly done the miraculous! I am so careful not to “speak for my husband” or try and tell his side of the story. Because I don’t think I could do it justice-- in explaining how GREAT GOD IS! Honestly, God is too good to put into words. Yet, I will try feebly again and again.
Today, I want to be brave and share an update on where my marriage is versus where it was 1 year ago today and where I was about 2 years ago. Hopefully you will see God’s unfailing goodness! Hopefully you will look for his unfailing goodness in your own broken places as well!
2 YEARS AGO:
I assume many of you have read my personal testimony in regard to my husband having an affair. If not you can read it here. As a brief recap, I had just become pregnant with my 4th baby when I found out. During my 9 month pregnancy with Emmy, I was digging deep into God’s word. There were days where I stayed in bed laying with my bible on my pillow, just praying that God would move. I prayed God would erase my reality, that he would turn back time, I even prayed that I could find a way out of my marriage. But God had other plans. Not only did God move, He spoke! To me! He became so present, he was (and still is) my one and only constant through my despair. But to get the full picture of how God spoke to me you can read it again, here. This is just another aspect of how God met me in my despair. Simply put, He spoke through Lysa Terkeurst.
I got to read an early release of the first 3 chapters of her book before it was released, it was also BEFORE I found out about my husbands affair. And It was while I was blissfully unaware of how broken my life was and would become. After reading those chapters I wrote these words in an Instagram post:
“I saw an opportunity to join @lysaterkeurst launch team for her new book #Uninvited and jumped on it simply because I loved her last book #TheBestYes. But honestly, I didn't think the title or even the bi-line resonated with me much. Well, that all changed the moment I began to read the first 3 chapters that were emailed to me. Ever felt rejected, misunderstood under your best intentions, judged, condemned or just down right alone? Although I don't struggle with these feelings in a crippling or everyday type of way, in the first pages of this book, I was confronted with the fact that I DO struggle with these feelings all too often. In fact, the whole reason that I was spurred to begin reading Uninvited last night was because I felt lonely to the point of frustration and I felt judged to the point of self disappointment. I had no clue what wisdom and encouragement was about to be poured out in front of me, but Thank God that it was! Thank God for writers who believe in translating the word of God straight into our hearts and souls. Thank God for Christians whose work is to encourage and empathize rather than question and sympathize. Thank God for people who are willing to say, "I feel you!" "I've been there too!" "You are NOT alone!" And thank you @lysaterkeurst for the reminder that in God's eyes, I am EXACTLY the mom my children need me to be, I am EXACTLY the wife my husband needs me to be, I am EXACTLY the friend/daughter/sister that I need to be. Based on the first 3 chapters alone, I am sure that #Uninvited will soften hearts, encourage the way we perceive and behave in relationships, and draw us closer to God's deep deep DEEP love. “
I remember this so clearly. I really didn’t think I felt unwanted, dejected, or passed by in any way. But as I started to read her book, I uncovered truths in my heart that I had either suppressed or was in denial about in regards to the state of my marriage. I actually pre-ordered her book on Amazon after reading the early released chapters and when it was finally out for sale, Amazon automatically mailed it to my doorstep. And it arrived exactly when I needed it most- right when I learned of my broken marriage. Lysa’s book, Uninvited, was like reading the very words already carved onto the pieces of my broken heart. But she didn’t stop there. I found so much hope for myself, for my marriage, for my family. She was part of what pulled me through. I felt so connected to Lysa, someone who doesn’t even know that I exist, during the darkest moments of my life. And the funny thing is that nothing in her book spoke specifically to marriage issues.
1 YEAR AGO TO DATE:
Fast forward 9+ months, Emmy was born, my marriage was on the mend, we moved houses, and Lysa posted this blog post. In short, it was a heart wrenching post about her husband’s infidelity and struggles with addiction, and after seeking all pathways for reconciliation, her decision to seek separation and pursue a divorce. My heart broke open, and my own wounds felt like they were as raw as ever. I mourned for Lysa’s marriage that week. I honestly cried buckets of tears over her marriage. I prayed and prayed and prayed to God over this news. I spent a good 2 hours in solid prayer on the day I read her post. I prayed for Lysa, for her family, for her husband, I prayed for a miracle for her marriage. I honestly asked God, “if Lysa Terkeurst’s marriage can’t be restored, then how on earth can mine?” And you guys, I know that there were hundreds of thousands of people praying for Lysa’s marriage that day and in the months following her announcement. Yet, I felt helpless. Personally, I was in a place where so many pieces of my life were coming back together and there was so much restoration coming from the ashes of what once was. But with Lysa’s news, I was transported back to 9 months prior when I was so alone and so broken. In praying for Lysa, the last thing I asked God was, “God Please, Tell me, If there is ANYTHING good that can come from my brokenness, if there is ANYTHING redemptive in store for my marriage, if there is ANY reason to share my testimony, GOD PLEASE GIVE ME A SIGN!”
Immediately after praying this prayer, I collected myself, went downstairs and had a thought, “I am going to watch this weeks sermon from Elevation Church. (Disclaimer: I watch Steven Furtick every Monday.) But it was summertime and the church was in the middle of having all of the campus pastors preach. I usually decide to skip these sermons, but this week I gave it a chance and I am so glad I did! This week the sermon, preached by Pastor Chad Hampton, was about Sampson. In it, he switches between comparing the compromises that Sampson had made to a story about a husband who stepped outside of his marriage and had an affair. And at the end of his sermon, Pastor Chad, reveals that the man who had an affair was him, 7 years ago. And on that day, he stood on the stage, preaching to thousands of people, sharing his testimony, with his wife by his side, restored and redeemed by Jesus. There was so much power in his testimony and everyone stood in applause and praising Jesus! And in that moment, my prayer was answered. Overwhelmingly so. God spoke so clearly that “YES! There is a reason to share your testimony. Yes, there is redemption in store for your marriage! Yes! There is beauty in store for your own ashes! And yes, many will see the Glory of God through your own testimony!” It was in that moment that I realized I was willing and able to share my own testimony about my marriage.
LET GO AND LET GOD
Lysa’s post, as a Christian author and speaker, I am sure was a HARD THING to write. To open up to judgement and declare defeat. To acknowledge, “I have done everything in my human power, by my own strength, to fix this mess, but I can’t!" In publicly declaring this, I 100% believe she released supernatural power over her marriage. And I think “How” this occurred is two-fold.
1. In publicly opening up, she had an army standing in the gap for her family! Just as I did, thousands of people were praying for her marriage, declaring restoration, speaking life and contending for the supernatural!
2. In surrendering, FULLY, to God the father, she made room for him to come in and do the work that needed to be done. I absolutely believe this to be true because it is exactly what happened for the restoration of my own marriage.
As I already said I was leaning into God, putting all my burdens at the feet of the cross. But I was also relying on the natural to heal my marriage. I had ordered all the recommended books on infidelity and marriage restoration. I made lists of the ways I thought I could help the process. I set rules and guidelines that I expected my husband to meet. I tried, in my own might, to do all the “right” things and all the recommended things. But honestly, they were not enough. In fact these methods were failing. In the first 3 months of trying to heal my marriage, things got worse. There was a cloud of despair following me everywhere. I’m not sure when or how it happened, but one day I simply stopped. I surrendered. Possibly by defeat, out of my despair, or maybe by some divine wisdom. But it happened none the same. I let go of my own expectations and simply let “Jesus take the wheel.” And can you guess what happened? Things changed.Exponentially! I started to see all of my prayers being answered. My husbands eyes were blinded- suddenly he was seeing again! His heart was hardened- It was softening! There was darkness- we were seeing the light! Most specifically I saw my husbands thirst for the word of God. He began reading and listening to the bible constantly (while working, in the shower, on family walks, in the morning and before bed at night). The Word of God was transforming him before my very eyes! And it was transforming me too!
We have all heard the sayings, ”Let Go and Let God” and “If you love something, let it go…” but what does the bible say in these regards?
The first story that comes to my mind is of Abraham taking Issac to the top of the mountain to be offered as a sacrifice, as God commanded. You can read it in Genesis 22. This is a hard story to wrap our heads around as we ask, Why would a loving God ask Abraham for such a sacrifice? And I believe there is so much knowledge to be gained from this story. I can’t think of a greater surrender than an offering of your own child. Through the hardship and torment it surely caused Abraham to obey God, it was his surrender and obedience that led to the blessing atop the mountain.
But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”
Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
(Genesis 22:11-14)
Can you imagine? Carrying one of your greatest treasures to the top of the mountain and preparing it as a sacrifice to God? I can imagine. I carried one of my most important treasures and layed it as an offering to God. I placed my marriage in the same place where Isaac layed. I know you may think I am being overly dramatic, but if you have been where I was, then you know the depths of turmoil I was in. I remember well my cries, “God. This marriage, I treasure! I hold it as one of my most prized possessions. I have no way to fix it on my own. God do what you will with it. I surrender it, no, I sacrifice it to you Lord!” I had no idea the profound impact that “sacrificing” my marriage to the Lord would have. But God is Faithful! He provides the ram every time! It requires complete surrender, but in that act of obedience I believe he will always provide!
“The Lord will provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
One of the ways that Abraham was able to trust God with his one and only son was because he knew God’s promises to be true. God had already promised that Abraham would be the father of many nations, and Abraham had this very promise to fall back on when God tested him in offering Isaac as a sacrifice. He knew he could trust God to stay true to his promises even if it looked like there was no earthly way that it could come to pass. Taking a really unbearably hard step of faith is made easier if you know the promises of God. I believed God’s promises for my marriage. I believed that he could make beauty come from the ashes. It was this promise that I was able to lean on in surrendering my marriage to him.
TODAY:
It has been one year since Lysa Terkeurst shared that she was seeking a divorce from her husband. And she and her family have, for the first time in a year, began to share about the redeeming work that God has done in their life since that heart breaking blog post. God has been hard at work in the hearts of Lysa, her husband and her family. He is making all things new! He is breathing life where there seemed to only be death. He is healing and redeeming and restoring! Because that is what our God does! HE is so so so good! When I see Lysa’s family all together I literally cry my eyes out! I am so overwhelmed by what God has done! And of course it hits so close to home.
Because, when I think about the restoring and redeeming work that God has done in my life, my husbands life, my families life I am so overcome! I am not sad. I am not defeated. I am not in despair. I am overcome with JOY! I want to dance around in the streets and sing His praises. I am in absolute Awe! And I know He doesn’t just do it for some. But he will do it again for ALL!
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)
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