The Art and Spirituality of Being At Home
Full disclosure, I saw the title of Joanna Gaines new book that releases soon, Homebody, and I was like “UGHHHH!!!! IT’S JUST SO PERFECT!" And seriously, if I were to ever write a book about my role as a wife, mother, homemaker, and designer this title really sums it up perfectly.
Perhaps I am feeling more homebody-ish because it is summer, and instead of vacationing and going from activity to activity; we are simply being home. I sometimes think about how other people might see our life at home, day-in and day-out, and wonder why we don’t go and do more. And there are a couple very real and practical reasons worth mentioning:
5 kids. #enoughsaid.
Nap schedules - this has always been something I am not willing to compromise on very often. And since I seem to always have a baby and toddler around we are always tied to nap times.
Financials- Activities are expensive. Multiply by 7 and we really can’t do too many fun things every month. This weekend, we took the older kids to see “Hotel Transylvania 3” simply because I hunted down the Quaker Oat boxes to collect enough coupons to buy 4 movie tickets to see it. Honestly I rarely use coupons, but this one was a deal! In general, to take our movie going kids to a new release in theaters, easily costs $50!
We are BUSY! I mean, I don’t really know what we do all day, but it sure is exhausting. HAHA! Even with being at home, there is more than enough keeping us moving. From watering the garden, going to the free food truck twice a day, playing at the park, playing in the fountain, doing chores and house projects, grocery shopping, lots of dentist appointments (unfortunately), racing up and down the driveway, cooking dinner, laundry… there is too much to do, too little time.
On the days where I am feeling “lesser” or uninspired or looking at the grand adventures of other people on Instagram, I can start to feel slightly inadequate about the life and family that we have created. And then I pick up my bible. And then, I am reminded that what I do, here at home, is something very important. It goes beyond interior decorating and buying things. It is much more than cooking meals and cleaning up after a bunch of people. It extends past my reasoning for naptime schedules and homeschooling. Truthfully, the art of being HOME, creating HOME, is very spiritual. The popular word to describe this is hygge (if you have never heard this term, google it). And as much as I love the concept of hygge, it doesn’t speak to my homebody heart as much as understanding the heart of Jesus does! Jesus gives peace. And when I am home I have peace. My children have peace. We are a bunch of homebodies, we are content and we have peace here!
“The wise woman builds a house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1)
Tylyn, Hadley and I were going over this verse and memorizing it this week and we had this funny conversation about it:
Me: “What are some ways that we “build our house”.
Girls: “We paint it!”
“We like, put things on the walls.”
“Yeah we hang pictures on the walls!”
“We make our beds!”
“We grow vegetables in the yard!”
“We cook dinner”
“We buy pretty things”
“...”
(obviously these are my children, being raised by a mother who is always decorating and redecorating- but bear with me.)
Me: “So if a wise woman does these things to build her house, then what are some of the ways a foolish woman tears down her house with her own hands?”
Girls: “Hammer’s holes in the walls!”
Me: “Yesss…. But what are some ways that sometimes we do things, that kind of, tear our house down?”
Girls: “Like breaking things, on accident?”
Me: “Yes like when we break things or don’t take care of the things that we have:
Girls: “Oh like, throwing garbage on the ground!”
“And not cleaning up our toys!”
“And not washing our clothes.”
“Oh, oh, and not washing our dishes!”
“Climbing on the kitchen counters.”
“Climbing on the stair railing.”
“Splashing water out of the bathtub.”
Me: (chuckling at how quickly they started to list all of the things they get in trouble for around here.) Ok, but how are some of the ways Mommy (me) tears down our house?
Girls: “When you yell at us.”
“Yeah. And when you throw away some of our things without asking us.”
“Or when you are too busy to play with us.”
“And when you don’t listen to us.”
It was pretty radical to see how quickly they were able to identify some of the ways I tear down the atmosphere of our home, not in a physical way, but in a relational way.
The first time I read and meditated on this verse, a year ago, I immediately felt convicted that I have the ability to tear down my house with my words and actions just as I have the ability to build our house up with my words and actions. The less adequate I feel about my life and home, my children are keenly aware. When I start to get “cottage fever” and a need to get out of the house for a day, my kids clearly feel and act the same! Whereas, the more content and peaceful I am about my life and home, my children are again, keenly aware. The days where I am most content to stay home and engage with my kids more intentionally are obviously the days where they have the most peace, are perfectly well behaved, and are quick to exclaim that “Today was the best day EVER!” not because they did anything spectacular but because they were comfortable and content just being home with their family.
I finally feel like I have hit my homebody stride. I have never been so content being home-bound in my life. It almost feels like I need to pinch myself when I get lost in thought over how good our little life is right now. I don’t want to be blind-sided by another big life trial. But I DO want to remain content. And I DO want to continue to actively “Build my house” rather than tear it down. But I also really DO NOT think that you have to have a love for interior design to build a house that brings peace to you and your family. Yet as a creative person, I have included design in my list of how to “Build your House”.
Wise Women Build their House by:
Being hospitable to their own family and other people as well. Being hospitable is all about making people feel comfortable when they are at your house. When company is over it can mean offering them a place to sit and something to eat or drink. When it comes to your own children, being hospitable means allowing them their own space to play and be imaginative and creating and learn and grow. My parents are amazingly hospitable people. There were always dozens of people in our house (friends, neighbors, family members, out of towners…). It is something I have hoped to emulate in our home and strive more toward all of the time. My Children love, love, love having people over to our house and are always asking to invite people over. Unfortunately for them, most of their friends live a little far out, but when they do come over excitement ensues! These kids are sure little hosts/hostesses in the making.
Gardening! There really is an art to being a homebody and I am learning more about it all the time. One of the new concepts for me is gardening. My husbands grandma has an immaculate garden. It is gorgeous. In early spring as everything is blossoming and springing to life, I am quite certain I have never seen anything more beautiful. But guess what, her garden did not happen overnight. It didn’t happen in a week or a year or even just 5 years. But over the course of 20+ years she has diligently planted, weeded and worked at creating a beautiful oasis. Lucky for me and so many others, we get to enjoy the fruits of her labor! What a blessing! And yet, gardening is entirely new to me but boy am I loving it! We have tried vegetable gardens every year for the past 3 years now, but this is the first time where we are really invested in our garden. Plus I have planted and replanted some of the plants in our front yard. So we are currently trying to grow and maintain the new plant babies in the front yard and a garden in the back. We are successfully growing tomatoes, peppers, green beans, cucumbers, lettuce and carrots alongside some wild blackberries that have come over our fence and an olive tree that we are lovingly trying to help live and thrive in the Pacific Northwest. Again, I have little to NO idea what I am doing in regards to our garden, but every day, twice a day I tend to it. And as I water the plants, I turn on Lauren Daigle’s song “Come Alive (These Dry bones)” and sing my own lyrics to the garden: “We call out to dry seeds, Come Alive! Come Alive!We call out to dead grass, Come Alive! Come Alive! Up out of the ashes let us see a garden rise! We call out to dry seeds, COME ALIVE!” I know this makes me sound like a complete religious nut bag, but I contribute 100% of our gardening success to declaring life and growth in Jesus’ name over everything that we plant. I don’t believe in the curse of Adam-to work the ground in toil. And thus, I literally preach just that while I am gardening. And I love every second of it! Sorry, I think I am turning into a far-out-there, Jesus Freak!
Making a “design plan” and Budget for each room: Everyone’s style is different and for some, hand-me-down furniture is perfect for creating a peaceful, inviting home. Designing a home for them is just the same as it is with me, who likes to dream of the finest furniture and items that I would love to adorn my home with. And guess what, when I make a plan for the things I really want, I make way for a couple things to happen. First, I am able to budget and actually stick to it in order to get what I want. It also allows me to avoid impulse buys of things that I do not ultimately want or need. Secondly, when I know exactly the things I want, I am amazed at how often I find the BEST craigslist deals and even freebies on the side of the road! 6 months ago, I had shared/declared the dining table that I WISHED I could afford to my instagram friends. And then just 2 weeks later I found almost the exact same table on craigslist for a fraction of the price. Then recently I have been looking specifically for caned furniture. In fact, there were some fabulous caned barstools from CB2 that I have been wanting for years and I found 2 of those exact barstools on craigslist! But with a heavy heart I had to pass on them since I really need 4 barstools and they are in fact discontinued in the store itself. Then, just days later, I got the best deal on the perfect cane-backed chairs for our living room. The new chairs came in the mail on Saturday before leaving to go see Hotel Transylvania, and on our way home from the movie, just as we are 2 blocks away from our house I saw a beautiful antique cane headboard leaning on the fence outside a neighbors house. I scared my husband as I gasped when we drove by and then made him circle back around to see if in fact my eyes were seeing the cane clearly. Sure enough they had placed it there for the garbage complay to take away and said I could have it for free!!! All of these events could be described as serendipitous but I believe God has taken a vested interest in my love for cane furniture. I say this with a chuckle while believing it wholeheartedly! And if you are wondering how I can believe that God would care about such frivolous aspects of my life; I will say I believe it is because I have been diligent and obedient in my relationship with him! The more intimately I know him, the more intimately I know that he cares for me! (really this is a whole blog topic in itself).
Keeping Up with the Housework. I am not the best, wisest person to ask about cleaning and keeping up with household chores. For starters I still think of them as CHORES! Hello! Nothing worth doing is never easy (and sometimes not fun), but someone has to keep up with all the messes around the house or else things would go south very, very quickly. I have an unfortunate love for white furniture. Unfortunate because I have 5 sticky, messy, urpy kids. So on top of normal messes, I do a lot of upholstery cleaning as well. The housework is endless but I have made my peace with it. Surely you would all agree that there is no greater feeling than sitting down, in a quiet, spotless house (if even it only lasts for 1 minute). I wish I had some good tips for how to “lighten the load” or be more efficient with the chores. But I don’t. I think my motto in regard to housework is “rise and grind, then repeat.” But do try to do it cheerfully. If your kids hear you complain about the housework all the time, you can bet your bottom dollar that they will have a complaining attitude about chores as well. You can try involving them in housework and making it fun with dance music and easy to accomplish tasks. But trust me, I need to practice what I preach when it comes to the concept of “toddler help”.
Cooking: I make a lot of jokes about how I use up every single pot throughout the course of a day, but I actually really enjoy cooking. I think I am a pretty good cook. I think the food I make tastes pretty darn yummy, so it passes in my book. I have some go-to recipes that I make often, but I like trying new recipes too! And it is never too late to learn a new skill in the kitchen! 5 years ago, I decided I wanted to start making better looking sugar cookies during the holidays so I read some how-to’s, watched some youtube videos and learned how! Similarly I make a bomb poppyseed cake, and the kids love helping with all of the involved steps! They don’t help with all the meals in the kitchen but they do love getting involved and learning how to cook along the way. It definitely adds to our homebody personalities. Nothing like the smell of a home cooked meal #amiright?!
Traditions: Have Fun at Home! I am big on holidays. We like to celebrate big and in style. I love to decorate for Christmas, plan themed birthday parties for my kids, I put together over the top Easter baskets and we celebrate everything that is worth celebrating. My kids favorite holiday is the 4th of July (or maybe it is just the most fresh in their minds right now), but we seriously did nothing but go to a parade, hang out at home and light off some little kiddie fireworks before it was even dark. And they thought it was the greatest day ever. Lucky for them they get to celebrate a second holiday in July that is almost identical to the 4th. Our town has an annual Hopps Festival at the end of the July. So this Saturday we will get to watch, from our front porch, the townsfolk runners engage in a 5K followed by a parade that marches right in front of our house, and then a big party in the park across the street. The night ends with a raging concert in the park that is sure to keep us up until the middle of the night- a small price to pay for a front row seat to the party!
Foolish woman tear their houses down by:
(disclaimer this list is not to condemn anyone or make anyone feel bad about their home life. Rather it is a list to offer perspective, from someone who has lived in 9 different housing situations in my 7 year marriage (including living with strangers, host families, in my parents basement, apartments…).
Complaining: I think my kids already spilled the beans on this one; but I sometimes yell, and scream and complain… “Why can’t anyone clean up after themselves around here?! Doesn’t anyone else care if we have nice things?!?!” So I know first hand how counterproductive complaining is. It accomplishes nothing. Complaining about a dirty house does not get one step closer to it becoming clean. Instead, as my girls foretold, it actually brings our home one step closer to ruin. It teaches my kids to complain when things are hard or when there is too much work to do.
Being restless, always needing to have something to do: I really want to avoid using the word busyness. But really when your life is too busy to just be, then you are in fact tearing down, rather than building up an atmosphere of HOME. If you are too busy to relax, rest, and enjoy your home then you might not need a home as much as just a place to sleep at night. I have had a restless spirit a couple of times in my life. And when I look back at those years I can remember specifically how busy I kept my schedule. In fact, looking back at a time where I didn’t realize how restless our family and home life was, I can see just how busy I made our schedule. Going. Seeing. Doing. Avoiding...
Never being home: Similar to being restless, but more specifically in regards to having too many activities and responsibilities outside of the house. It is very commonplace to have so much going on outside of the home and little time left over to dedicate to things of the home. I often ask myself if my kids are missing out on certain activities outside of the home. Maybe they should be signed up for more lessons and classes and social activities. Maybe. But… maybe other kids are missing out on spending more time at home, more time (dare I say it) being bored. My kids are slowly learning the art of finding something to do when there is nothing to do. Hadley is a self taught gymnast and I think she is pretty good! HAHAHA! Tylyn is always busy playing games of house and pretend and make believe. Jacson keeps himself busy with his cars and being a ninja and harassing his sisters. Honestly it’s just a really typical boring childhood around here. But I believe it is stretching their capacity for creativity and imagination. And for us adults, time away from the house also means less time for housework and spending the time cultivating a home.
Always looking for the next best thing: Trust me when I say I have been HERE! As I mentioned we have had our fair share of awkward, temporary housing situations in our 7 years of marriage. So there has always been a yearning to get to the next place. And yet, I have also had a desire to create a home in every temporary house where we have lived. No matter how short (or long) a living situation, I would dedicate time, energy and money to making even the smallest spaces personal and inviting. We lived in a big empty, victorian house in Southbend, Indiana for maybe a month (granted I thought we would be there longer) and I furnished the house with goodwill finds that I refinished, painted and made my own. When we unexpectedly had to pick up and move to California, I had a garage sale, sold everything and then started anew in our next destination. And yet, there would undoubtedly come a time, at every temporary home where I would become consumed with needing to move. And sure enough, every time I started to restlessly look for the next best thing, my children would become restless at home as well. Part of finding peace at home comes from rooting yourself in one place and in a community. As small as our current house may become for our large family, I am so content and happy here that I don’t want to look ahead and start daydreaming about the next great house we might have some years from now. Yearning for something more lessens contentment with what currently is.
Letting the kids “rule the roost”: My children are well aware that they live in my husband’s and my house. They do not make the rules, we do! The world wants to offer children more freedom then they know what to do with, quite literally, and what it produces is the opposite of the desired effect. We might think that if our children have free range at home to do whatever they want, whenever they want, that they will then grow up and have such fond memories of their fun childhood that they will want to come home and visit all of the time. But instead, they have memories of a chaotic childhood void of boundaries that come from a place of love and concern. These children may have more of a restless, wandering heart that doesn’t want to revisit the nest but wants to leave it behind forever. (Disclaimer: I am speaking very generically. There is a wide spectrum of what we as parents allow our children to do and not to do. And I honestly think that each parent is the BEST judge of their own children. I would never want to impose my ideals onto anyone else. Because they will not work for someone else if they are forced upon them). On the other hand, boundaries and rules established in love, help a child feel secure. They learn to respect their things, respect their parents, grow in wisdom, and will enjoy coming back to a home that always made them feel safe. It is no surprise that when the bible talks of home it is almost always synonymous with a safe place or refuge.
"Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge." (proverbs 14:26)
"Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me." (psalm 31:2)
"I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings." (psalm 61:4)
"If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent." (psalm 91:9-10)
My ultimate goal as a homemaker is to create a life of peace and comfort and security for my children. I want my grown children and grandchildren to always consider my home, their home. I want to teach my children how to care for and respect their things and use what they have to bless other people as well. I want them to learn and grow and create and I want to encourage them inside our house and out of it as well. So cheers to staying home, taking it slow, doing nothing, all while building a HOME!
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1)
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